only good...

Only.


Such a deceptively simple word.

(dictionary definitions of) ONLY: alone, soley, exclusively, just

So, only really means - - only.

As in: She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. (Proverbs 31:12 - Amplified) only good, for. the. rest. of. my. life!

gulp.


Every time I read God's Word I ask Him for wisdom, revelation and understandng. This simple prayer was on my lips again 3 weeks ago before I read Proverbs 31. It's always interesting to me to see what God shows me. Sometimes He has me marinating on a whole verse, and sometimes it's one word, or two.

Like, only good.

Honestly, this sucker-punched me in my gut.

Instantly, I thought about all the ways I choose not to do only good to Brent. And totally justify it. But these words cover everything. I can't hide. So the past 3 weeks, every single time I am tempted to do some of the things I normally do, I literally hear the Lord whisper to my mind,

Only good.

But it really feels this loud.

ONLY GOOD.

Because I started realizing, only good doesn't mean:

-Just leaving supper out for him on the counter for when he gets home late from work. (Because after all, he is an adult and he can warm up his own food.) To me only good means, filling his plate, warming it up, and bringing it to him, along with a glass of water.

-Just somehow being able to not be mad at him when he comes home late from work, because of circumstances out of his control. To me, only good means, giving him the gift of a warm smile and graciousness, and being able to look at him with peace in my eyes.

-Just not yelling and having arguments. To me, only good means, not even having to prove my point.


-Just giving in to his loving touch "because it's my wifely duty", (but in my heart staying a little detached, because I just want to go to sleep). To me, only good means, actually getting into it - with all of my heart.

-My needs come first. To me, only good means, his needs come first. Even when that means keeping our bathroom and kitchen counters uncluttered, because he likes things put away. (For a messy, that's HARD! Talk about dying to self here. )

The list could go on and on. I guess what I started realizing was only good reveals my heart attitude. I can fake being a good wife, even to Brent. I can't fake having a heart that does only good to my husband.

We have a good marriage, we really do. And I'm so very grateful. At the beginning of the year I started meeting with a marriage mentor. God spoke through her so powerfully, and it literally changed our marriage. I didn't know marriage could be so good! I think it's interesting that this is the year I've been on a quest to learn how to love my husband well. And I really thought I was finally getting it! And then 3 weeks ago, God has the nerve to show me I have soooo much more to learn.

only. good.

a lesson learned

Today I:

- hit the 25 pound weight loss mark this morning! (after almost 4 months of counting my calorie intake) I'm almost done. The end is in sight! I like teaming up with Jesus!

- got to celebrate God with my church family. There were some AWESOME testimonies today! Love that.

- tried to be more intentional about smiling at my children when they're talking to me.

- spent some one-on-one time with my neice. We went running this afternoon, me with my legs and she with her racer wheelchair. She's planning on doing her first race this Saturday at the Apple Festival 5k. I'm SUPER proud of her. We had such a good time chatting. We have so much in common, and it's so much fun to talk to her.

-and then, somehow, I managed to cut 3 of my fingers while on that particular run. We had gone about 4 miles, and we still had 2 more miles to get home. She was pretty tired, so I thought we'd walk and I'd push her a bit so she could rest. Brilliant idea, in theory anyway.

It's hard to describe what happened, unless you actually see her racer, but somehow as I was pushing her, my hand slipped and the wheel caught my fingers and in the blink of an eye, my fingers got stuck in between the wheel and the fender. -- i.n.s.t.a.n.t. pain -- I screamed, I think. It was a surreal moment. Her racer couldn't go forward or backward because my 3 fingers were wedged in so tight.

I'm looking at my fingers and I knew they had to come out and I knew the only way was for me to literally pull out my fingers! "Jesus help me", flew out of my lips as I puuuuuuuuulled them out.

Searing, breathtaking pain.

Blood started gushing e-ver-y-where! Gushing. I was blinking back the tears. With my good hand, I unzipped the velcro pack that held her phone and told her to call someone to come and get us!

Meanwhile I'm holding my fingers real tight with my other hand to try to stop the blood flow, so now both hands looked awful!

Brittney was freaking out and I just wanted to cry! So instead I....

laughed! Laughter is good medicine, right?!

Abbot came and picked us up. By the time he got there, the blood had pretty much stopped flowing. I washed up my hands and Mom H. bandaged them up. They were throbbing this afternoon, but I don't even feel any pain tonight!

And next time, Britt - we'll stick with 3 miles!

Dancing Steam

The steam from the hot coffee I'm holding in my hands twirls and dances with the air.

I am sitting in my favorite spot to talk to Jesus. Curled up on the couch, beside the window, with my feet tucked beneath me.

I lift my face to the morning sun, close my eyes, and let the warmth wash over me.

I lift my heart to the Son and savor His love.

I sit quietly, my unopened Bible beside me.

Quiet.

I used to attack Him with my chatter as I told Him my needs

and wants

and requests

and petitions

and pleas

and begging

and demands

and... well, you get the picture. My words tumbling out as fast as I could get them out, stumbling over themselves like a busy 2 year old.

Not anymore.

I am discovering the value of being quiet before my Maker.

Just quiet.

Letting Him talk to me, first.

"What do you want to tell me this morning, Jesus?", my heart whispers.

I love you, child. I smile. I loved being loved by Him. And I love that often, this is His first response to me.

Be diligent today. How did He know that this morning I was flirting with the idea of being lazy today? It feels like it could be my first day "off" in over a month? Oh, this Father of mine knows me so well!

Be kind to your husband and honor Him. Thanks for the reminder... So basic, but so important.

He speaks other words of encouragement and admonition to me. Gratefulness that His Spirit lives in me fills my heart. The Master of the Universe speaks to - me.

His words fade away... and I ponder them.

I pick up my Bible and caress it's worn and underlined pages gently. What a treasure this book is to me. What a privelege to hide it in my heart. I never want to take it for granted.

"What do you want to say to me through Your Word today? Where do You want me to read? Give me understanding... help me read with spirit eyes."

He never disappoints.

He tells me:

-That I have the mind of Christ. (I Cor. 2:16)

-That my faith should not trust in human wisdom, but in the power of God. (I Cor. 2:5)

-That everything I do, even eating and drinking, it should all bring glory to God. (I Cor. 10:31)

But the real kicker? The thing that stopped me in my tracks and made me say "whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"

Was when Paul said this in I Cor. 11:1

Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.

I wonder if I could say this as confidently as Paul? It makes me nervous when people tell me they look up to me. Yipers - it makes me want to tuck my tail between my legs and ruuuuuuuuuuun!

But this morning, this thought GRABS me.

Maybe because I've been sensing God calling me to disciple and mentor the youth ladies with more intention than before. The one-on-one kind of stuff that can make me knees shake, because I don't want them looking at me for answers because God knows - I have soooo not arrived.... Why would I have anything to give them...?

I'm not so sure I can even confidently say to my own children, "imitate me, because I imitate Christ"?

They get to see the "real" me.

-The cranky me that comes out under stress.

-The not-so-diligent me that can easily forgo housework to play a video game with them.

-The undisciplined me that leaves her shoes all over the house and even (gasp) dirty clothes on the bedroom floor. [please tell me there are other women who do that!]

-The yelling me that comes out after I have told them to do something "a hundred million times".

-The negative me that says "someone" ALWAYS does "this".

-The fearing and worrying me.

-The me that wants to say "do as I say and not as I do". But really, who are we kidding, kids of course - do as we do.

aaaaaargh.

Imitate me?

It is only with His strength and His power that I can say that.

Jesus help me.

The steam has stopped dancing...

My face and body are toasty from the sun...

My coffee is now cold.

Praise and thanksgiving spills out of my heart and I give myself all over again to The One who has made me. And loves me.

He. loves. me.

Me.

And just like the steam from the coffee cup... my heart twirls and dances with its Maker.

God's Fantastic Idea

This is a post I've started writing many times in my head, and then - promptly hit the delete button (which was also in my head).

The subject? My recent weight loss.

I recognized the topic of excessive weight can be a very sensitive subject. I also didn’t want to appear that I have "learned it all", because that is most definitely NOT the case!

I was having a heart-to-heart poolside chat with one of my nieces a couple of weeks ago. (Brittney Martin, who happens to be a great writer herself.) In the course of the conversation, I shared my heart about God's supernatural help with my weightloss . And so, because of her gentle encouragement to write it out, and not be afraid of people’s opinions, I take in a shaky breath, because she has compelled me to make my thoughts - reality.

And so, I will write. Out of a heart that is overflowing with gratefulness to Jesus.

_________________________________________________________________

My family loves food.

- and -

My family struggles with weight.

That is the bare, naked truth. And there's nothing pretty about it.

Brent has often told me that it’s not natural how much we love food. We ‘ooooo’ and ‘ahhhhhh’ and ‘mmmmmm’ over food. All of us, my brothers included, enjoy cooking and eating.

I have not always struggled with weight. But like most other women, once I was out of my teens years I gained some weight. And then, when I started having children, the pounds crept on. I didn’t like it, and tried several times to lose weight. Each time I had minimal success.

I have learned to enjoy running these past 3 years. As a result, I have lost lots of inches, and some weight. But I was still overweight in spite of it! And I didn’t like it.

My downfall (mostly) was late night eating. The habit began after we had kids. It was the only time in the day that I could feed my mouth first! There was something about a quiet house, and the kids in bed, that made eating so much more enjoyable.

Some of my favorites snacks were:

a HUGE bowl of sugary cereal like Lucky Charms or Cap'n Crunch
kettle cooked jalapeno chips
Doritoes with melted cheddar cheese on top
plain Triscuits with tons of cream cheese
pepper jack cheese
candy... like Starbursts or Skittles
I couldn't figure out why I couldn't lose weight, when I was running so much. Now I understand, that food listed above is l.o.a.d.e.d. with calories.

This spring when we were training to run the half marathon, I could tell that my body slimmed down a little bit. I was afraid that would go away since we weren't training for that anymore. Plus, I was still frustrated that in spite of doing all that running, I was still overweight!

I started talking to the Lord about it, and asking Him what I should do. You know, He created me, and so I figured He knew what would work for me.

One Monday morning, I was praying about this again, and very clearly I heard: "You will lose weight if you watch your calories". There was emphasis on the word "will".

In case you’re wondering, I didn't hear an audible voice, or anything like that. I have learned that God sometimes speaks to me in my thoughts. I can't explain what happened, but immediately something inside of me had a light bulb moment. I simply knew that I had heard from God.

My first thought was, "Oh, I've tried that before". (I had tried counting calories a couple of years ago. It was a smashing success – for one day.) But then I caught myself and realized I needed to pay attention.

So I asked Him how I should count my calories.

Immediately I sensed Him tell me to look online for a calorie counter.

Hope literally started bubbling up inside of me. I was having a delightful God moment.

So, I googled 'free calorie counter'. I didn't even know for sure if there was anything like that. I clicked on the first thing I laid my eyes on and somehow, I just knew this was what I was supposed to do.

This was the site I found. http://www.everydayhealth.com

There is no “easy” way to lose weight. The truth is – if you take in less, you will weigh less. It literally boils down to that.

I started this on May 17th, and by July 19 - I had lost 15 pounds! I give ALL the credit to my Jesus! I have felt His presence every single meal. No lie. I have been able to discipline myself in ways I ne-ver have before. My flesh would scream sometimes! But - every time I step on the scale and see that I've lost another pound... "Thank you, Jesus" just bubbles out of me.

I had come to the point where I was simply ready. I was done with “my” ideas and how I thought I should do things. He was able to swoop in and help me because I finally knew it would take Him - and not me to lose weight.

I have drastically changed what and how I eat. When I started keeping track of my calories I was horrified and sickened at the amount of calories I had been putting into me. I had no idea! No wonder I was overweight. I cringe to think how much weight I would have gained if I hadn’t been running these past three years. Because I was eating so – many – empty - calories.

A couple of weeks after I started watching my calories I came across this book at the library. “French Women Don't Get Fat” It honestly felt like another God moment to me as I read through the book.

It's definitely a must-read. She talks about eating sloooooooooowlyyyyyyyyyyy. That resonated with me, because I figured if I can't eat as big of a portion, I'm gonna chew the portion I can eat as loooooong as possible. I chew my food to m.u.s.h! I try to put my fork down between bites and try not to fill my fork until I’m done chewing and ready to take another bite. (That was hard, at first!) She talks about drinking lots of water. If you live in America, that is not a new concept. But this time, I acted on it. I always have a big glass of water sitting out now and when I walk past the glass, it reminds me to take a drink. She said often people think they're hungry, and really - we're just thirsty. She also says the French eat anything they want, but they understand a very simple concept. The first few bites always taste the best. I've found that to be very true. I used to just keep eating because it was on my plate.

I have learned how it feels to be satisfied, instead of full/stuffed. I’ve discovered I like the satisfied feeling much better. I didn’t realize how messed up my digestion was. I used to get major stomachaches after I ate. NO MORE!!!! Thank you Jesus!

I’ve also had to be okay with throwing away food. We were at Red Robin for the first time last week. We had no idea how huge the sandwiches were! I ate half of my sandwich and was ready to dive into the next half when I had another God moment. I realized I was satisfied. I looked at the sandwich, and thought about how much that sandwich cost. I processed the fact that if I do or don’t eat it, it’s wasted either way. I realized I was not okay with misusing my body by overeating, just because I didn’t want to “waste” it. And so – I covered it with my napkin and pushed it off to the side.

Food addiction is no different than alcohol or other substance abuse problems. And just like other substance abuse addictions, food addiction does not just affect that person. It affects everyone around them. Maybe the result is diabetes, maybe it’s early death because my heart just finally gives out, maybe it's back pain – because my body was not created to have that much stress on my bones, or maybe even not being able to interact with my kids in a playful manner.

I bought myself an electronic food scale. That and my measuring cups are my best friends right now. Is it a pain sometimes? Yes! Is it hard sometimes? Yes! Does it get old? Yes! When my husband is pulling out my favorite chips do I want to eat them? YES!!!!

But the reason I can do this is 1) Jesus and 2) I realize it’s only temporary. I won’t be eating this small amount of calories forever. It’s just for a season. Then I can be at the “maintaining” stage. Which is going to feel like a feast compared to the amount I'm eating now!

I’m not a tee-totaler. I pretty much eat whatever I want. But I look at my allowed amount of calories as spending money. For example, I can “spend” my calories by eating a handful of chips and still feel hungry or I could "spend" the same amount of calories and eats LOTS of fresh fruit and veggies. Do I want to drink my calories with a can of pop or do I want to eat my calories and feel full? I even allow myself to have junk food. I just measure out a couple of chips and saaaaaavor them! I've come to realize that my portions had been waaaaaaay out of whack.

One thing that’s been interesting is people’s reactions. Some are so very positive and encouraging, others… not so much. I told Brent the other night that there are only a couple of people that I can exclaim all I want to about my weight loss and know that they are literally as excited for me as I am for me! I don’t feel like I’m bragging when I talk about my weight loss to them. I'm so thankful Brent is one of those people. He's been one of my biggest cheerleaders! What a gift they have given me, and what a lesson it has taught me.

I want to be that excited for others accomplishments!

This past week I hit a huge milestone. I weigh less than I have in the past 9 years.

And it's all because of Him.

I Choose...

to be thankful for all the care God gives to us.

Even though, in the past three months we have had several major appliances that we've had to either repair or get new.

And now, last week our stove gave out. It would turn on without warning, remain at high heat, and the only way to turn it off is to unplug it. The smoke alarm would even go off because it got so hot. The repair would've cost almost as much as a new one, so we opted to pay $100 more and get another stove.

On Saturday, we decided to clean out our grill and realized the burner and the heating tents were quite literally falling apart. So, we will be using our gas grill as a charcoal grill, until the end of the season clearance specials.

And now, today, our dryer gave up the ghost.

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!

What is the deal?

Is this what happens after you've been married 14 years?

Everything you own falls apart?

God was really dealing with my heart since the weekend. He was telling me that I need to not focus on the problem, but focus on how He cared for us during the problem.

For instance:

THANK GOD that the oven only randomly turned on while we were home. (Now we unplug it when we leave. New stove comes tomorrow!) We could've burned our house down.

THANK GOD that the grill lasted as long as it did!

THANK GOD that the dryer didn't burn up. I went downstairs to get the laundry that I put in the dryer this morning. I opened the door and found wet clothes. (???) I started the dryer again and realized it wasn't turning. When I opened it up, it smelled H.O.T.!!!!

Immediately, I started thanking God for all the things I could think of that He has done for us. Jaci said, "Mom, what are you doing?!". She's used to hearing me talking out loud to God, but she must've picked up on something. Desperation, maybe?

So - who knows what's going on, but I am choosing to thank God that our family will not lose heart because we will see/are seeing His goodness in the land of the living (Ps. 27:13), and that He daily loads us with benefits (Ps. 68:19)!

Call me crazy.

Call me weird.

Call me silly.

But I choose to be,

thankful.

Intentional Memories

One of the things I've tried to do is have a special "tucking the kids into bed" routine.

I have fond memories of being "tucked in" by my mom and sister. They'd put the covers tight all around me, from my neck to my feet. I remember just having this huge grin on my face and loving every minute of it. I liked the feeling of being all cozy under the blanket.

Another memory I have is holding my big sister's hand to go to sleep. Bless my sister's heart. She's always had time for me. She was 20 years old when I was born, and through the years has been like a second mom to me. I don't know how many other big sisters would be willing to share a bed with their much littler sister. I remember sometimes she'd kind of sigh when I'd ask her to hold her hand. Finally, somewhere around the time I was 10-12 she'd ask me if I didn't think I was old enough to stop holding her hand.

Eventually I did. But I've never forgotten those two things. So when I became a mom, I wanted to create something that my kids would look back on and say,
"Remember when...".

Thus started our tucking in routine.

I started with saying:

Hug, Kiss, Squeeze, Tickle! As I said the words, I'd do what the word was to the kids.

They were quite happy with this for several years. All of a sudden, they're wanting to add all sorts of things.

Now the basic routine has evolved into a much more complicated routine:

Hug, Kiss, Squeeze, Tickle, "I love you", Raspberry, Nose-to-Nose rub, Cheek-to-Cheek rub, Head boink (don't ask), Back scratch... the list can go on and on and on...

It only takes a minute, and it would be fine if it would stay at that.

But - oh no! That would be too simple!

Each child has certain things they want first or last. And I'm supposed to remember all of that. And then, they want to do the whole routine to me. Or they might decide one night that an "I love you" is supposed to be between each thing.

Oh my goodness. Any other seasoned parent out there know exactly what's going on here?

!!!!!DELAY TACTICS!!!!!

mmmmmhmmmm.

Oh those sweet children of mine. I love 'em.

Even when they sneak into our bed with us at night.


And someday, when I look at this picture, I'll probably wish I would've added 100 other things to the routine.

preciousness

My heart is so full...

Ever since I've been a parent, my heart's cry has been that our children walk in truth and in the paths of righteousness. Every night I pray that God teaches them... As their creator, He has a much greater understanding of their needs. Isaiah 54:13 is one of my all-time favorite verses. All your children shall be taught by the LORD, And great shall be the peace of your children.

Jaci had an encounter with God this morning. I'll tell you how it happened.

The worship time was amazing! Before we started singing, Pastor Judy shared some rhema words she had recieved this week. It was so encouraging to me, and for me it set the tone for worship.

The first song we sang was "I Am Free". Then we sang "Dancing Generation". The teenagers went all out today. AWESOME! I love it when they come on up to the front and worship with us.

Here's a link to see a video of this song.

dancing generation

Then we sang another song, "Lead me to the Cross". That song always brings me to my knees. It's a song of consecration... it always reminds me that He must have ALL of me!

Here's the chorus:
Lead me to the cross where your blood poured out
Bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself, I belong to you
So lead me... lead me to the cross.

But what took the cake, was the next song, and what happened during it. We sang a simple chorus that we all know:

O, the blood of Jesus
O, the blood of Jesus
O, the blood of Jesus
That washes white as snow.

We sang it several times. Jaci was standing with some of her friends. I kept glancing over at her, because I was sensing that God was touching her heart. A couple of times I almost went over to her (she was standing about 15 feet away from me), but each time I sensed God telling me to stay where I was because He was touching her.

There she stood, my 7 year old daughter, with her hands raised... worshiping not my God, but her God.

Her Jesus.

It was such a precious realization.

And then, she did something she had never done before.

She knelt on the floor and held her hands in front of her as she sang.

I could not stay where I was any longer. Brent & I walked over, knelt beside her, and put our arms around her. My watery eyes looked into her watery eyes and we shared a shaky smile.

"Jesus is touching your heart, isn't he", I asked?

She smiled and nodded.

"I don't know how to explain it, Mommy", she said.

"That's okay", I said, as tears dripped down her cheeks and mine, "Sometimes you can't describe it. It's just something you know deep inside your heart"

I can't even describe my emotions, then and since. Children are never too young to feel the touch of God on their lives. Too often we count them out, thinking they can't truly understand. But they DO!

Jesus, give our children a greater awakening in their hearts. Continue to draw their hearts to you, the Truth. Teach them how to be sensitive to your voice. Thank you for being real to Jaci today. Please God, continue to give our children undeniable, powerful encounters with you.

And in the words of John: I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.
(III John, verse 4)